Five days ago, I wrote a list and posted it as Still Here. Before Thursday, December 2, 2021, I am supposed to meditate on this list or something like it at least four more times. Today, I met with my therapist and we discussed my list. I realized that the list could be more clear to others, so for one of my "meditation" sessions, let's expand on my list.
- I am willing to say, "fuck it," and get on with things.
I have the ability and the willingness to face unknown or likely poor results or circumstances and just get on with it. This is easiest to see when I play video games, but it is also possible to see in my approach to things like writing, or self-improvement, or learning new skills. - I see a world beneath the world, that I don't know how to describe, but that brings depth and value to my observations.
I identify as autistic, probably with Asperger's. It is very difficult to describe the ways that how I perceive and understand the world are different but it is clear they are. I see similarities where others do not. I see into, beside, and around. I often don't see the surface. This causes me to miss what is obvious, but it causes me to see what is not obvious. Instead of rejecting my differences, I embrace them. They give me invaluable insights that I could never have without those differences. - I have strong access to intuitive tools of understanding.
I have spent time, energy, and work learning to use intuition, meditation, mental imagery and have sometimes helped others access these tools as well. - I empower growth in others.
Through the way I present myself, and how I interact with people, people who spend a lot of time in my company find it easier to grow. - I am deeply empathic.
I identify as an empath. I feel the emotions of others. I may not understand it, but I often feel it. This makes me especially open to the pain of others and I appreciate the opportunities that affords me to offer comfort where needed. - I am open to any exercise or activity.
I refuse to let size, shape, or expectation limit what I am willing to try. You never know what you can do until you try. - I am agile and dexterous.
I learn new physical skills quickly, be it dancing, turkish get-ups, juggling, or chop sticks. - I get stronger fast.
I have a body type that responds to strength training quickly. I also have a lot of nutrition and training knowledge. - I am honest and open that I need help with my depression.
This is at several levels. First, obviously, I am willing to say, "I am not safe right now, please take me to the ER." Second, I am voluntarily in treatment. Third, I have informed the people around me, and I try to let them know when I need extra help with eating, or with taking my meds. - I love unconditionally.
My love never ends. It is not predicated on anything. Hurting me doesn't make me stop loving you. It may make me stop associating with you, but nothing makes me stop loving or love less.
This is what these mean to me.
